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I Invite Syria’s Assad Over For Dinner and Root Beers
Bashar al-Assad, president and dictator of Syria is getting way too cranky and needs to step down. And if the only thing that’s making him cling so tenaciously to power is the lack of a good...
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Bad Artist #9, The Scream
Fortunately, Mr. Munch, love the name, deposits his paychecks directly to the car dealership. And now a haiku for car repair bills. #$%@@! $%#&* %^(*{!@ !@#%*+ ++|! !@#@@## - Paul the Bad...
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Be Very Afraid
I got an internet ad enticing me to fly a plane, no experience necessary. Darn exciting offer, yet I declined. I fear my piloting would end up as high-impact aerobics. Also, property values along my...
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Great Excuses For Late Homework
1) Teacher, I wrote my homework on paper made of matter. While I was walking to school, my homework paper collided with homework paper made of anti-matter. Woowee! It was almost the end of the...
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Bad Artist #10, Computers
Love Haiku My dear sweet darling I love you even more than I hate computers. - Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are...
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Bad Artist #12, Writing
FIRST WRITING HAIKU My novel’s stalled. How shall I save the hero? So I write haiku. SECOND WRITING HAIKU I can’t write the scene. Words fail me. I keep hearing, Iggy piggy poo. - Paul R. De...
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Getting Rich with Magic
I recently took the clothes out of the dryer and found $1.36. I didn’t put that financial windfall in there. My wife says she didn’t. The two boys don’t go near clothes dryers. It must be magic or...
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Bad Artist #13, Golf
GOLF HAIKU “@#$@ ^&%# $#@ @#$&*(+ “#V%^! $%#_+( @@@#$$%% !$&^*) “j#X!.? @#@ <>,. $#%!!” - Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller,...
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The Deadly Threat to American Manners
Much has been made lately about how illegal aliens are the root cause of our country’s woes. Fine debate indeed, often reaching the lofty level of thinking. But unfortunately, all this animated...
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Bad Artist #14, Insurance
INSURANCE HAIKU #1 I call insurance. I see continents drifting While I wait, wait, wait INSURANCE HAIKU #2 The check’s in the mail. Your call is very important. We’ll be right with you. - Paul R....
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Great Moments in Literature and Literary Criticism
The following line comes from a well-known and well-respected author of Westerns, “He could feel the heat from below; since heat rises, …” Whoa! Heat rises? Did the author do his research? . . ....
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Bad Artist #16, Churches
CHURCH POLE VAULTING HAIKU #1 I fly through the air With such magnificent ease Because you will not move. CHURCH POLE VAULTING HAIKU #2 You are quite unable To move toward the middle. So I must pole...
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Bad Artist #17, Appreciation
CARBON HAIKU #1 Carbon, oh carbon! Though you’re the eight element I like you the best. CARBON HAIKU #2 Carbon, oh carbon! You’re in every pencil, and all grammar schools. - Paul R. De Lancey, Bad...
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The Horrible Cost of Communism
Much has been made of the communist nations horrific repression of their own peoples. Ne’er do wells such as Stalin and Mao come to mind. However, there is another evil side to communism that the...
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Bad Artist #18, Thanksgiving Preparation
THANKSGIVING HAIKU #1 Defrost, damn turkey! The guests will be arriving In only one hour. THANKSGIVING HAIKU #2 Feck! No potatoes! Dear, will you go to the store? What again? You dope. THANKSGIVING...
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Relentless Logic
My wife pointed to a dish with cheeseburger remnants. “What’s this?” she asked. “Cheeseburger,” I said. “Why did you eat that when you knew we were going out for lunch?” I riposted, “I wasn’t...
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Why the French Are Way Cool
“1643-53. The Fronde, revolt against the regency named after the catapult children used to hurl clods at passing coaches.” – The Encyclopedia of World History, Sixth edition, p. 326 Wow! Wow! Children...
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Bad Artist #19, Laundry
LAUNDRY HAIKU #1 Laundry, oh laundry I hate you. I will hate you. ’till the end of time. LAUNDRY HAIKU #2 You, pile of laundry, I so wanted to eat out. But then I saw you. - Paul R. De Lancey,...
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Bad Artist #20, Grammar
GRAMMAR HAIKU #1 It is a truism. Good grammar and chocolates Will impress your date. GRAMMAR HAIKU #2 Remember tonight, Lust is fleeting but grammar Endures forever. - Paul R. De Lancey, Bad Artist...
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Great Moments of Insight
“Insiders buy stocks for only one reason. They think the prices will go up.” - From an online advertisement. “Heat rises in Holland.” - Dutch real estate agent Whoa, slow down. Let me absorb this....
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